It's now been an entire year since we loaded all our material possessions into one massive truck and trekked my tear stained cheeks into our new life in Texas. I was hoping after a year in this hole of a town I would have learned to love it...that I would have found my place in this foreign city. I was wrong. I have a worse opinion of Texas than I did when I moved in. And I didn't move here with happy thoughts.
I know that's quite cynical. I truly have made great efforts to find my place here in Texas; stepped...no, more like leaped...out of my comfort zone numerous times. But on the upside, I don't struggle with it for the reasons I originally thought I would. It's not all tumbleweeds and rodeos. And though I really thought I'd hate small town life, it's not THAT small. We do have normal suburbian strip malls and grocery stores and good schools and we've even found some doctors that we've been really happy with. And the truth is, the things I love about city life are not even much of a possibility for a mother of three small kids. Even if I lived in a big city, I would not be taking full advantage. And for those times I just need a reminder of city life, Dallas is not that far. In fact, the temple is in Dallas and I make the drive in a few times a month.
I just can't seem to feel like I fit in here. I've never been good at not fitting in. I like to be in the middle of everything and that just can't happen in Texas. I don't want to compromise who I am just to be a part of it all. And as much as I'd like to elaborate, I know I have local friends who read this and at risk of wrongly offending, I will opt not to elaborate.
I am grateful for the good people I've met and the friends I have made that make this foreign city a little more like home. I just hope it doesn't have to be home for too long.