Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Tumbleweeds and Rodeos

It's now been an entire year since we loaded all our material possessions into one massive truck and trekked my tear stained cheeks into our new life in Texas. I was hoping after a year in this hole of a town I would have learned to love it...that I would have found my place in this foreign city. I was wrong. I have a worse opinion of Texas than I did when I moved in. And I didn't move here with happy thoughts.

I know that's quite cynical. I truly have made great efforts to find my place here in Texas; stepped...no, more like leaped...out of my comfort zone numerous times. But on the upside, I don't struggle with it for the reasons I originally thought I would. It's not all tumbleweeds and rodeos. And though I really thought I'd hate small town life, it's not THAT small. We do have normal suburbian strip malls and grocery stores and good schools and we've even found some doctors that we've been really happy with. And the truth is, the things I love about city life are not even much of a possibility for a mother of three small kids. Even if I lived in a big city, I would not be taking full advantage. And for those times I just need a reminder of city life, Dallas is not that far. In fact, the temple is in Dallas and I make the drive in a few times a month.

I just can't seem to feel like I fit in here. I've never been good at not fitting in. I like to be in the middle of everything and that just can't happen in Texas. I don't want to compromise who I am just to be a part of it all. And as much as I'd like to elaborate, I know I have local friends who read this and at risk of wrongly offending, I will opt not to elaborate.

I am grateful for the good people I've met and the friends I have made that make this foreign city a little more like home. I just hope it doesn't have to be home for too long.

18 comments:

Amanda B. said...

Wow! A whole year. I am sorry you feel like you don't fit in. I really do know how that feels and how frustrating that is.... I feel like that everyday of my life around here though I grew up here. Oh well. Just know you really are loved in many places and we think you are awesome!! :)

Kim said...

I feel your pain... we have moved four times in one year and we finally bought a house (which hopefully means we wont move for awhile) but our new neighborhood has been hard, it seems they have no room for new people in their lives. Don't get me wrong they aren't rude they just aren't nice either. I wish finding a place to fit in was a bit easier.

Danielle said...

I am so sorry Katie. I know moving anywhere is hard. Please, please, please let's get together soon!

Nicole said...

((BIG hugs)) I was so excited to move to my small town. Within a week I started crying to my husband that this isn't for me. 9 months later and I'm still roughing it out. I hope it gets better for you. I really do. Because I know how lonely you are feeling. I have my mom and sisters here, but no friends at all. It's sad.

Kelly said...

Though I dont' see you or talk to you that often, I am happy that you have made it a year without letting us in on that! I didn't know it wasn't all that wonderful! Ohio isn't all that wonderful, either, ya know!! We miss you here- I wish I could come and hang out- cause I am the coolest one here! I know you know that! Ha ha! Just trying to help! Okay, not helpful!
I am sorry- you are far too amazing to not have fit in! You have so much to offer and share with others! I hope you aren't too unhappy for long- hopefully you will find where you fit in soon- even if it means not until you move again! That stinks, huh?!
I worry about that when we move someday- it was not that easy moving to just the east side when we came here, but now it is better. I can't imagine my life without the friends I have met since we came here. It will get better- I promise!! hang in there!

Genn said...

I am sorry that you don't love it there Katie. I know that feeling of not fitting in. That is exactly how I felt right after I got married and was living in Boise. I hated every second I lived there, and all I wanted to do was move. Hopefully being a mother of 3 little ones keeps you busy to help the time pass quickly.

Do you have to stay there until Spencer finished school? Then will your next move be where ever he is working?

Hang in there.

Kris said...

Aw Katie, I am so sorry. You being the shining star I know you are, perhaps starting up some sort of Moms group would be a way to find your kindred spirits out there. Surely they exist. What about a crafting group? A stroller strides type of a group to meet in the parks and exercise and visit with the Moms? Teach a sewing class, I know you are qualified? Take a class???
I know you have jumped in to try a lot of things, and you have found it just isn't home. But remember, Home is where your "people" are.
Hang in there kiddo.

jeanine said...

Oh Katie! I know how you feel... it took me a while to really feel at home in my ward (maybe within the past year)... and we've been here nearly 4 years! You are always welcome to make the trek up here... I would love it... and so would the boys!

Kipn n' Sarah said...

Girl I know cali misses you and your friends here, but it will get better, well I am pretty sure it will. Sometimes it takes a while. I HATED living in Utah when I was there and still don't have much good to say about my time lived there but at the same time some of my best memories take place there as well as some of my longest term friends in my life were meet there. Who knows, you may look back and realise you loved it there more than you think you do right now.
If any of that made any since???

Autumn said...

Holy cow-what I really want to say has already been said about 9x, so I'll try to avoid it, though that is how I feel. I think its great that you're going to the temple-or at least Dallas-a few times a month-very much on my to do list. (The temple part.) :)

Autumn said...

I also meant to say that I think its really great that you can say what you're feeling, even if it isn't all peaches. Its refreshing even if its less than ideal.

amelia said...

Go you for being honest. Moving is rough. Making new friends is rough. Being away from family is rough. I hope things get better for you.

Shalece said...

Yes, Autumn is right, you are great at saying what you feel even if it isn't ideal. No one's life is what they seem from their blogs! Except maybe yours :) I think we can all relate to the not fitting in at different moments in our lives, but I know at times when I've felt that way, simply forgetting that I don't fit in helped me fit in. Our ward has been switched (and stake) a few times, each time affecting us, and one ward we were in for a year and I never like it, and the new ward now I am still getting used to. Change for me sometimes takes a long time to get used to. Anyways I hope it gets better for you soon!

Stubbart Family said...

We've been here for 3 1/2 years now, and I remember when we had been here for almost a year I was crying to Evan telling him I hated it and just wanted to go back home (where "home" was I wasn't sure, since we had lived in both Arizona and Utah). It took a while, but now I love it. Hopefully you will too, but I'm sure it'll take time.

In the meantime, why aren't we getting together? I know it's hard with preschool and napping schedules, but seriously, we need to get together and let the 6 of our boys destroy just one house, instead of two.

I know you are crafty (and I pretend to be)...I go into Michael's/JoAnn's/Hobby Lobby at least weekly (much to Evan's dismay), so we should go together. I need you to teach me how you make so many miraculous things on your sewing machine. So, what do you say? Your place or mine?

Heidi said...

I am right there with you. we have been here in Colorado for over 2 years, and I still don't feel like I have a good friend close enough to say, lets got to lunch or come over for a play date. I dont fit in either. All I ask is that we have at least someone in our family here in CO with us.

Heidi said...

I am right there with you. we have been here in Colorado for over 2 years, and I still don't feel like I have a good friend close enough to say, lets got to lunch or come over for a play date. I dont fit in either. All I ask is that we have at least someone in our family here in CO with us.

Heidi said...

I am right there with you. we have been here in Colorado for over 2 years, and I still don't feel like I have a good friend close enough to say, lets got to lunch or come over for a play date. I dont fit in either. All I ask is that we have at least someone in our family here in CO with us.

rachel said...

Aw I'm sorry. It's always hard to go to a new place/situation. I've had to do it before... I really do hope it gets better!

...You know one of my bestest friends just got engaged and will moving to Houston in July with her husband. I should get you two together!!