Lots of Thoughts

I thought Grayden looked like my other two...I'm not so sure he looks as much like them as I originally thought. I can't quite pinpoint what it is. It can't be the mustache...I'm sure Gray's will grow in due time.

My thoughts on conference...I was grateful for who ever it was that quoted Elder Bednar (I believe) and I don't remember the exact quote, but he posed the question, What was learned that was not said? As is illustrated by my attempt to quote something from conference...that's how I felt about the entire conference. With three kids and my mom visiting (sorry Mom, but with all your playdough turtles and whatever else, you were a distraction, too) I didn't get as much out of conference I like to...which is how my life is at this point and I can accept that. I just remember conference in college when I could sit down with my paper and pen and take notes through the whole thing. Conference will not be like that for years to come. I know I liked Elder Packer's talk but I can't remember at all what it was about. And there are several stories that stood out to me, but I can't remember who told them. Thank goodness for the conference issue of the Ensign. That brings me back to Elder Bednar's quote. I came out of conference knowing what I need to change in my life and a renewed energy for living the gospel even though I was distracted through much of conference. I learned things that were not said. I was so grateful for conference this weekend.

A thought from President Wood (our past stake president)...He told us that having three kids is when life gets a little more difficult because you have to quit playing man to man and start playing zone. Mom went back to Arizona today. So we could play man to man for the week. Now we're back to zone. Everything's gone smoothly so far. Three kids doesn't seem so bad. What I'm a little nervous for is next week when Spencer's paternity leave is up and every zone is my zone. I'll be seriously out numbered. I'll have more kids than I have arms to fight them off with and that worries me.

I've always thought memory tends to be closely linked to smells...I haven't used that pink baby lotion since Reid was an infant (go figure). And every time I slather Grayden in that yummy smelling stuff, I am reminded of taking Reid to the orthopedist for the first time and receiving the awful news about needing to amputate Reid's leg. I think the day of his appointment was the first time I slathered Reid in that stuff at just a few days old. I remember sitting in the doctor's office and smelling it on him and on my hands (that smell was quickly replaced by the smell of baby poop however...Reid pooped on just about every surface of the doctor's office and every spare outfit and every spare diaper I brought and somehow I had left the house with no wipes). I'm afraid the smell of baby lotion is now tainted for me. It reminds me sobbing on a car ride home from the doctor's office. That was the hardest point of the whole amputation / prosthetic leg process. Recovering from pregnancy and coming down from all the hormone highs, I tend to be highly emotional anyway. I just about burst into tears every time I smell that awful pink stuff.

Baby thoughts...I struggle to really enjoy having a newborn around, even though I have angelic babies who rarely cry and sleep well. I don't like how helpless they are. I don't like that they disrupt my sleep. I don't like that they can't respond or even smile to anything I do. I don't like that they can't communicate. And I don't like that they look like old men. But as much as I struggle to enjoy newborns, there is something very sweet and near to heaven about them. In his short two weeks of life, Grayden has already greatly blessed our home.