I haven't entertained with a good story about my crazy life in quite sometime. Truth is, I tried to block this story from my memory. But last week my mom took the crazies to a fast food playland and the memories flooded my mind. So sit back and enjoy. My pain is your entertainment.
On the second day of our drive to Utah, Spencer and I decided to stop for lunch at "McDonalds with a slide," as my kids like to call it. They had been cooped up in a car for a day and a half and could really use the time to get some energy out. Spencer and I had finished our meals and the older two were busy crawling, sliding, running and climbing. We needed to put gas in the car before we were back on our way. I suggested Spencer going to get the gas and coming back to get us so the kids could play a little longer. He asked if I was sure I could handle it. Of course I could...I handle three kids alone all the time. That's my life. And this time, the older two were content to play on the playground, which only makes life easier. So Spencer left for what would be the longest fifteen minutes of my life.
Parker came down to use the bathroom shortly after Spencer left. Luckily, the playground had an individual bathroom right there. I peeked my head inside but sent Parker in alone. Moments later I heard Reid whining from the top of the playground. I tried to coax him down from ground level, but he started to cry a little harder. The bolt on his prosthetic leg was caught on the playground net. Just then, Parker came out of the bathroom stall completely naked from the waist down with a request for me to wipe his bum.
I looked around...the only other people there were two men with a brood of children each. They were exactly the kind of men you'd expect to meet in a small town in the middle of nowhere...big and burly with mountain men facial hair and plaid flannel shirts with the arms torn off. They were there with their kids so I assumed they were capable of helping me out, but was sure they would not be interested. I quickly assessed the situation and decided the naked child took priority over the crying child at this moment. Reid was stuck, but safe.
I scooped Gray out of the high chair so he wouldn't try to get out and fall or choke on any of the food still at our table and I left him to crawl around the nasty bathroom floor. There may have been other options but I couldn't think quick enough. I expected to wipe quickly and get to Reid. But of course it could not have been one quick wipe. This was a messy one. I had to stop periodically to keep Gray from getting into anything too disgusting and to poke my head out to make sure Reid (who is now hysterical) hadn't passed out. He has been known to pass out from crying before.
About 300 wipes later...I left Parker in the bathroom and made him swear on his life not to come back out until he was fully clothed and his hands were thoroughly washed. I found a new high chair for Gray. The previous one had a broken seat belt and if I am going to leave him unattended, he had to be properly strapped in...and scooted far enough away from the table that he won't try to eat anything he shouldn't. At this point, I hitched up my pants and shimmied myself right on up the playland. I unhooked Reid who was way too upset to climb down himself. I had to squeeze my large self and my two year old back down this contraption.
I got down just as Parker was coming out of the bathroom. I got Reid settled down and cleaned all four of us from head to toe with the lethal combination of wipes and Germ-X. Everyone was finally calm, happy and sitting at the table finishing lunch when Spencer came through the door. I blurt out, "Oh, now you're here!" The two unhelpful men who had sat back and watched the whole thing bursted out in laughter...which luckily made me laugh too. Otherwise, there would have been tears.