Remember the positive energy radiating from my last post? This is the polar opposite.
When I said Ward Camp Director would be the worst calling ever, I lied. At least I would get to work with the Young Women...where I truly feel my talents lie. Plus, there are a lot of great women serving in young women. And camp is only one week out of the year. It's not looking so bad any more.
The three of you who guessed primary teacher win the prize. I could barely hold back the tears during my interview. I didn't even make it to my car before I was sobbing. Not just any primary teacher...but the four year olds. Seriously. As if I didn't deal enough with preschoolers during my week that I need to spend my only two hours away from my own preschoolers with somebody else's. In all honesty, I look forward all week to those two hours away from my kids. I feel like I need those two hours to stimulate my mind on a different level. I need conversation with someone taller than 42 inches. I barely struggle through sacrament meeting with my crazies before I rush them off to their respective classes and can breath a little easier for the next two hours. But now, I rush them off to their classes only to babysit a room full of someone else's crazies. No thank you. I'd rather have my own kids. At least I love them unconditionally.
I just really don't deal well with small children...and by small I mean anyone younger than 12. I look forward to my kids becoming teens. I think that's when my strengths as a parent will kick in. So far I've dealt with three infants and we all know infants are not my strength as a parent. I've gone through 2 toddlers...again, no strengths showing up yet. And one preschooler...nope, not good at preschoolers either. So I guess I'm really hoping my strengths show up with they're teens. Other wise I'll never be a good parent. I'm just impatient. I lose my cool real quick. I 'm not creative with small kids. I'm not good at teaching small kids at their level. I don't enjoy small children. Not that my kids and I don't have fun and I love them incredibly. I just convince them that the things I like to do are fun. I'm too selfish I guess. My kids love to shop. They like my music. And they of course love to wear costumes and run around the house...but they're my own kids.
I really struggle to love other people's children. Some people are so natural with kids...Abbey, Amanda, Kelly and Tiffany all come to mind. It's just not in my nature and I wish it were. I'm so grateful for people who are good with children...that's why wards function well. It takes all kinds of talents to fill all the positions. My kids have been blessed with phenomenal primary teachers. I'm grateful that they can love my kids. I think this class deserves someone better than me. Someone who can love them and who would be happy to spend those two hours with them. I just can't be happy to spend two hours with a room full of four year olds. I have found that I can love my friends kids, but mainly because they belong to my friends and I love my friends. I don't even have a problem watching my friends kids, but probably because it gives me a break from playing with my own kids.
I'm very obviously not dealing well with this. It's only been like 14 hours since I got the call and I can't even tell you how many times I've very seriously contemplated calling this counselor in the bishopric to tell him to find someone else. I'm afraid I'm going o be stuck here for three years or something. I felt like I made huge strides to be happier in D-Town yesterday with this playgroup and now I feel I've been shot in the foot. My lengthy strides have now changed to a gimpy hobble. Like I can make friends when I don't associate with anyone over 42 inches tall.
I've been looking into getting my master's degree lately. I've been itching to go back to school. Maybe this is what it will take to get me there. I just need adult interaction and something to stimulate my mind above the level of a preschooler. Not to mention a break from the crazies...my own and now the four year olds in my ward.
I was going to post something ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey for Valentine's day, but I'm too depressed to think about anything else.